As a professional woman, I know I’m guilty of putting enormous pressure on myself to do things perfectly, even if the stakes are comically low. It’s all too easy to get lost in the warped fantasy of thinking that if you can do the next task perfectly, everything after that will line up. Perfection, I’m coming to realize, is just that: a fantasy.
And it can be a damaging one, especially for women. When we prize perfection or just don’t check in with ourselves about our expectations, we set ourselves up for failure—or at least to feel like we’ve failed. Our goals—small or big, short- or long-term—require extra consideration. That does mean more work up front, but it will help us set the right goals and realign our expectations around our goals.
Here are a few pointers to keep in mind when goal-setting:
Be specific
Acting as your own project manager can be a good thing when it comes to goal-setting. What’s in scope and out of scope for the goal? What’s the budget (and budget can refer to the financial, emotional, and/or cognitive costs)? What’s the desired end result and what risks do you face? The more questions I ask myself, the more I can break down my goals into tiny steps and get to the heart of what I’m really after. I often find talking out loud to myself during this exercise to be extremely helpful as I can quickly hear where I’m getting stuck or repeating myself.
Set your expectations
You may know what your goals are, but do you know what you really want from them? Whether you are working toward a promotion or working toward putting yourself first, you need to know exactly what your expectations are. If you successfully negotiate that promotion, will you still have time for your favorite hobby? If you start prioritizing yourself does that mean you’ll get two more hours of sleep a night? Being vague is the enemy of success. Identifying what you want will mitigate the risk of feeling like you are failing or disappointing yourself and help you keep a realistic outlook.
Know what you can and cannot control
This is a lesson I learned later in life but it’s one that has served me extremely well. Knowing that I can only control my reactions has helped me let go of the responsibility I voluntarily took on to help control other’s emotions and reactions. Not only was it draining, it also wasn’t helpful. By wasting so much emotional energy, I wasted a lot of time I could have spent figuring out what I wanted and how to get it. Focus on yourself, and control only what you can.
Goal-Setting Bottom Line
Goal-setting can be intimidating—but keeping the above points in mind can help make them more fun. Being real with yourself about what you want is empowering and helps you see yourself more clearly. You’ll be able to get to know your strengths and areas for improvement better, set clearer boundaries, and see that you are worthy of your goals.
