The responsibilities being shouldered by American women today are daunting. In the 1950s working women were told they could ‘have it all’ by the likes of Helen Gurley Brown, the former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. Fast-forward a few generations and high-performing female executives and professionals living under the unrelenting pressure to excel personally and professionally often find themselves overwhelmed and overburdened.
On a daily basis, as I interact with women executives at the pinnacle of their careers, I encounter accomplished, impressive, intelligent and driven high earners; many of whom are the financial breadwinners in their families.
To the casual observer, these women certainly seem to have it all. However, they are also frequently anxious, tired, and overwhelmed. They have too much on their plates, not enough time to deal with it all, and are embarrassed to ask for help. Despite how hard they work, many are not living their best lives right now. And they do not realize they are not the only ones in this place.
Finding Balance as Female Breadwinners
According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2018 nearly 30% of American wives in heterosexual dual-income marriages earned more than their husbands. That’s up from about 18% in 1987 and just 6% in 1960.
Not only that, according to data from 2017, 41% of mothers “were the sole or primary breadwinners for their families, earning at least half of their total household income”. This is increasingly the case among high-performing women executives who are often not only the sole financial provider for their families but still carry a disproportionate burden when it comes to household and family responsibilities.
Hardly surprisingly, research shows that despite the impressive financial gains women have made in recent decades, this does not always translate into greater life satisfaction. The Institute for Family Studies (IFS), which has explored the phenomenon of the ‘breadwinner mom’, singles out traditional gender norms as a possible reason.
After all, many of the expectations that women are always readily available to their families and spouses remain stubbornly in force, despite the increased financial contribution women are also expected to make.
These days, as IFS researcher Wendy Wang points out and as any mutually-supportive couple will know, “sharing household chores trumps money when it comes to a successful marriage”.
But this is only one aspect of a delicate and challenging balancing act facing today’s successful woman.
The Challenge of Being Everything to Everyone
In my experience, even when help at home is at hand, the constant demands on high-earning female executives and professionals inevitably pushes the woman herself further and further down the list of priorities.
The solution that is so often advised in such cases is to ‘find balance’ or ‘make time for you’. Both of which can be a challenge for any woman already juggling high levels of responsibility and stress.
Rather than loading more on the shoulders of my clients, I prefer to offer a helping hand. This is the very reason I started WealthChoice, to offer top-earning women a goal-focused approach to financial planning. Our role is to offer real value by taking things off the busy breadwinner’s plate, and by helping each woman to prioritize her time and her goals.
We start this process by getting to know each other. In practice, this means answering questions about priorities, hopes and dreams for the future, as well as personal ambitions and goals. For instance:
- How in tune are you with your dreams? Have you written them down?
- Do you have a network of like-minded women around you to offer support?
- Are you putting your dreams on hold today because you are overly focused on the future?
- Do you have a financial strategy in place which is aligned to your current and future ambitions?
- Have you discussed your personal and financial goals with your spouse or partner?
- Does stress overwhelm you to the point where you feel overcome with decision paralysis?
Prioritize You!
Only when you start to give expression to these questions, and then marry your expectations with mindful professional, personal and financial goals, will you be close to ‘having it all’. And, even then, balance is a constant and evolving process that requires frequent resetting and rethinking of your priorities.
For instance, in the past I took on more board roles and worked with many non-profits, but at this stage of my life I prefer to allocate ‘me time’ to traveling and being with family and friends. I adore cooking and entertaining, and for my own sanity I make time to play golf and to dabble in pickleball. Since my four kids are scattered all over the country, in 2022 we all set off to Paris. At least once a year we try to go away as a family.
As you might have guessed, I am at my happiest when I’m spending time with my family, so I am conscious of ensuring that my financial – and time management – decisions support this overarching goal. This sometimes requires making hard choices, but because the goal is so important to me I’ll move mountains to make these moments happen.
This deep personal awareness also makes it easier for me to empathize with the needs and wishes of my clients. I don’t blink when a top female lawyer tells me she wants to book an extensive holiday, take time off to volunteer abroad or fulfill a dream of climbing the world’s highest mountains. Why? Because I know what makes her tick, and I know that through careful financial planning WealthChoice can help to make her dreams come true.
Find Your Support Team
When I sit down with client who are overwhelmed with the responsibility of being female breadwinners but are aching for personal fulfillment, I recommend these simple steps:
- Plan and analyze – Conduct a thorough analysis of all aspects of your life, including your financial commitments and see where you can put some of your hard-earned cash to work for your goals and dreams.
- Spend time getting to know yourself – Take a deep dive into what makes you tick and what makes you happy. If you are going to support others, make sure to reward yourself too.
- Commit to your strategy – This means tracking your progress, patting yourself on the back and making changes as and when necessary.
- Embrace change – Sometimes we have to be open to doing things differently; this is often the only way to unlock a better life.
- Speak to a professional – No matter how successful you are, there are times when having an expert in your corner can only unlock additional benefits.
As a successful business owner and breadwinner myself, I truly understand the myriad demands you juggle every day. That’s why I’m passionate about helping my clients build a life of balance, with room for the things that bring them joy. Please do reach out, and let WealthChoice help you breathe a little more easily.
