Any working mother knows that labor comes in many forms: paid, unpaid, manual, emotional, cognitive. She also knows that most if not all of these are not divided equally in a heterosexual relationship, especially when there are kids involved. Today, I want to talk about cognitive labor\u2014what it is, how it adversely affects professional women and their romantic relationship, and a possible solution.<\/p>\n
When it comes to running a household, moms are more likely than not to be the ones planning and organizing activities like playdates, vacations, childcare, and family visits. They\u2019re running through the practicalities of the household\u2014shopping lists, maintenance to-dos, the timing to get those done. That\u2019s the cognitive side of labor. The emotional labor associated with these is managing the family\u2019s emotions, such as helping a child through a tantrum or anticipating the next parent-teacher conference. Taken together, the mom is taking on the preparation, organization, and range of emotions it takes to run a household and alleviate future risk.<\/p>\n
Women, whether they\u2019re in a C-suite role or a part-time one, often find ways to have a more flexible schedule when kids are involved, so they are more acutely aware of which child is growing out of their clothes or has a test coming up. She therefore thinks about these more often\u2014including when she\u2019s at work. Many women, even if they are the breadwinner or in a top-level position, can be forced to put full-time or part-time work on the back burner when faced with increasing stress at home. This widens the gender pay gap, as women are less likely to get raises or promotions after having kids. With competing priorities, she may not be able to put in extra hours or go after a new role. There\u2019s also the possibility of leaving the workforce altogether\u2014something we\u2019ve seen happen more often since the pandemic started.<\/p>\n
A lot. While gender norms are being challenged more and more by younger generations, they remain pretty solidly in place for many heterosexual couples. A couple may make decisions together, but it\u2019s often the mom who does the research and legwork leading up to the couple being able to make an informed decision. She\u2019s often on the hook to do this work simply because all of us have been led to believe that women are naturally more organized. To be clear, this has been proven incorrect<\/a> more than once<\/p>\n When women take on the majority of cognitive labor, it can affect everything from the ability to community in a health manner to the couple\u2019s sex life. An unequal distribution of labor could pave the way to larger issues down the line.<\/p>\n Regular, healthy communication is key to helping share how you\u2019re feeling and your expectations for what should change. A more immediate, concrete action to take, however, is much less complex: do less. It\u2019s much easier said than done, of course, and will lead to more stress up front. But often, sitting out on a basic task will have a longer-lasting and more positive impact down the line. If you don’t plan out every detail or do every minor task, your partner will see the negative consequences that come from not helping and will eventually learn to help out more over time. Sticking to your guns through this initial change will ultimately lead to more time for yourself\u2014and less worrying.<\/p>\nWhat can women do?<\/h2>\n